Remember how fun dating was? You know, trying to actually secure yourself a date is no easy feat.Or in my case signing up for Match.Com in the hopes of getting free drinks, and decent conversation? Once you secure the date, the fun really begins. You have to figure out what to wear, call up 10 of your girlfriends so they know where you’re going and what your dates name is and everything you know about them, in the event this date kidnaps you. You can never be too careful! Oh and then try to sell yourself to a person that you most likely know minimal about in the hopes that maybe there will be a second date. Fun Times right?! Yea I hated dating…
I’ve learned in the last few months that making friends in my 30’s is a scary reminder of what dating in my 20’s was like. On a Friday night about, a year ago my church hosted a Ladies Night Out Fundraiser. That all sounds like a blast right? I”m not quite sure what part of me decided to step out of my comfort zone, and go to someones home, I’d never met ( that is the kind of thing Law and Order episodes are made out of) but I did. Bottles of wine in hand ( one for me, one for the host), wearing an outfit I put too much thought into, I joined a completely random group of women from church in this strangers basement and purchased some jewelery to help raise money for something. I wasn’t out looking to make friends, though truth be told a close friend and I were going through a rough patch and I thought it would be nice to meet some new people.
There I met an adorably funny lady who I hit it off with. Truthfully I think the only reason we hit it off was because, we had both had a decent amount to drink, thought the party games were stupid, and let the filters from our brains to our mouths go wild. People thought we were hysterical. I thought we were hysterical. Leaving the party that night, I thought I was well on my way to making a new friend. Or not.
The lady from the party was so nice and yea we had a super great time, but nothing really came of it.I thought about emailing her to see if she wanted to have drinks but, I worried that might have bordered on stalker like. Honestly I was worried about rejection. While we were friendly at church with a wave or a short conversation here or there it never went much deeper.
Flash forward a year when we were thrown together on a project and were suddenly spending numerous hours together both in person as well as on email and text message. By the end of the project I was eating off her breakfast and dinner plates, and we were laughing like we’d known each other forever. Then the project ended. I expected, like the party we would continue to be friendly but not much would come of it.
Then she CALLED ME! Yup she called me and we set up a date. I suggested we bring a mutual acquaintance who we both know from church. After all what happens if we ran out of things to say to each other before the drinks even came? I knew we could laugh and joke together, but I also knew we had a lot of differences. She had kids, I have a spoiled dog. We work in completely different fields, and didn’t know much else about each other. This could be a recipe for disaster or at least an incredibly awkward night.
The night of our “first date” I tried on about 4 different outfits, texting them to my wife to see what she thought. I dipped so low as to put the caption ” Do you think I look cool?”. All while thinking in my head I’m a professional, married woman and I want to know if I look cool?
Pick Me! I’m Cool!
The three of us devoured a lot of sushi and martinis and laughed for hours.Honestly the next day my stomach hurt from the amount we had laughed. I”m hoping that the laughs at least burnt off some calories.
Fabulous lady and I recently went out this past weekend just the two of us and she told me while getting ready to go out she had been speaking to her husband about how difficult it can be the make friends when you’re older. We laughed about it for a minute but then agreed that being older it really makes it much more difficult to make new friends.
So what is it that makes, making friends in your 30’s so much more difficult than making friends when you’re in your 20’s?